How I Deal with Trust Issues
I was at a restaurant with a couple of new acquaintances, and I offered my debit card to someone to get a purchase done as I had to attend to something else. I and this person had just met and were getting to know each other, so the act of offering my card to this person came off as a surprise, and the statement that followed was this, and I quote, “you seem not to have trust issues," and it was said amidst laughter and surprise. I smiled back and said, “Yes, that’s me!”
Although I smiled and agreed, the encounter prompted me to reflect and be subsequently inspired to write about how I deal with trust issues and how I’m working to improve on them.
The term “trust issue” is often used to indicate when an individual displays habitual behavior of distrust, particularly but not limited to intimate relationships, and as one who's been naive once—an innocent fault that was sincere, although not worthy to be tagged a virtue and certainly not one I’ll encourage anybody to pick up, seeing as it made me vulnerable and exposed me to harm when shown to malevolent people. I got betrayed, used, and almost lost myself in the process, but I recovered and healed.
Then, after being burned by the experience of having my trust betrayed due to my naivete, I became cynical about everyone. It became hard to trust people; it's still something I’m working on. It looked for a while as though I was mature for not trusting people, but that wasn’t maturity, as I’d later discover.
I would often think, “Why would I trust you when I can be betrayed or used?" I thought this was an improvement over being naive, but it wasn't, as it proved to be premature.
Here is what I learned on the path of healing and chose to do to get out of that problem, having both experiences of being naive and being cynical, to put a stop to these extremes, and how they influenced my reality and relationships, albeit negatively.
I decided, like Jordan Peterson declared, to trust people because I’m courageous, which, like gratitude, is a mark of commitment and bravery.
It proved to be a turning point in my attitude because, armed with my foreknowledge of people, it was like I and whoever I’d risk trusting, or vice versa, would have an unstated understanding that we’re entering an agreement.
Though the individual may be full of trickery, oh well, so am I, and there are a lot of ways this connection can go sideways, but we’re going to put together a consensus and find a common ground that’s of mutual benefit to both of us and stick to that.
So, we risk trusting each other for a greater purpose that’s going to be mutually beneficial regardless of our agendas.
I will trust you—I will extend my hand to you—despite the risk of betrayal, because it is possible, through trust, to bring out the best in you and perhaps in me. - Jordan B. Peterson.
Another thing I resolved to do is stick to personal integrity, trust myself to keep my word, do what’s right, and not compromise on morals, so I'm in the right position to deal with what others throw at me.
This personal integrity also gives others a reason to trust me, which in a way means they are taking a risk with me.
Essentially, and as hard as this may seem, it’s best to try not to be at either extreme of being naive or being cynical, for the single reason that it’s not a good place to be, as you’re either immature (naive) or premature (cynical); rather, work towards growing and developing to the point where you understand the courage it takes to risk trusting others, which is the mature place to be, and if they decide to exhibit trickery, your experiences equip you to better handle the situation.
